"Ugly" by Vincent Truman

Grey Area Defcon 3

For all my love of learning, acquiring and assimilating information, I have lately found myself in an odd place. It has tainted my job performance, my ability to write music, my concern over the country's future, my play-writing sensibilities; everything. And that place I call the Grey Area.

Politically, I'm a simple liberal. I have no doubt which party best represents my world view and anxiously follow the electoral college projections and various other polls. And, while I am heartened by the strong possibility of an Obama administration, I am, for the first time, deeply disheartened by the vast ugliness that has surfaced from both campaigns - although ultimately I have to give the title to the Republicans. This time around, there is no swift-boating; there's accusations of Obama being Muslim or an Arab or related to a terrorist because of a very unusual middle name. There's people carrying stuffed monkeys with Obama stickers on them; there's people putting on Ayers as if a "washed up terrorist" (McCain's words) is remotely relevant now or, worse, more important than domestic and international policy. And yet these morons who chant 'terrorist' really believe that. And they really live in the same country. And they don't mind splitting the country in two. The only thing they don't do is use the word they all seem to want to: nigger.

And that distresses me. It angers me, certainly, but it saddens me far more than it pisses me off. It actually trumps the shame I felt when word of torture came out a few years back. And that pulls me out of the whole process. I can't be that polar to support beating up or congratulating either side.

And, here on the myspace front, there was a blog that I participated in until a few weeks ago. It was often referred to as 'the atheist blog' written by a faceless fellow called Human Evolution. Not only am I liberal, but I'm an atheist on top of it, y'see. I met quite a few friends there - more on the non-believing side than the believing side, but smart people on both sides. And then it got wacky and polarizing. Whereas I like to contribute humor wherever I can, I do not discriminate. Both sides need to have stabs of funny. But somewhere along the line, at least three fundamentalist atheists got whacked out entirely, worse than any religious people I had engaged with. There was no room for moderation, and so I just quit.

And at work, there's a secretary who talks to herself all day and swears constantly. Today's ringer was 'if he makes me do that again, I'll cut his balls off.' For a year, I endured her garbage. Finally, I complained. The very next day, she listened quite closely to me, took a comment out of context, and complained about me. She got a phone call. I got a phone call. And so I give up there, as well. Justice, even in the workplace, seems to be far more of a polarized myth than I wanted to believe.

In the theater world, I have been approached by someone looking for direction on how to get into theater. Why did she want to be an actor, I asked. Because, she said, I am good looking.
Occasionally, I can muster enough focus to put together a video or two, which I am glad to do. I so enjoy making people laugh, or at least say aloud, "oh no that is wrong," as my girlfriend did for my Steven Hawking video. It was a nothing bit of nothing, but I enjoyed it. Naturally, one of my oldest friends has to pipe up and say he came up with the idea years ago. Thanks, pal. You're the best.

I'm tired.